Top 10 Tunes

Ladies and Gentlemen! Are you ready to rock? You what? I said are you READY...?

*Terry, turn up this bloody PA, the punters won't shut up. Good, thanks mate, yeah**better. LET ME HEAR YOU ARE YOU READY TO ROCCCKKK??? Oh, geeze, sorry Mrs Guthrie, are those your eardrums that appear to be, well, bleeding? Terry, you prat...yes, your fault...

Ladies and Gents, my apologies, and let me introduce, right here on the Dayglo stage, the most loved actor from that landmark series Alcatraz, our very own Mr Jonny Coyne! Stand up Jonny! Oh you already are, sorry old boy... Here he is, shorter than some actors, but taller than others ... all the way from a part of Norf Landon that we've never heard of, and have no intention of ever visiting ... Jonny is at the same time both British and a good Greek boy. He has had a long and distinguished career in the Theatre, and has the vowels to prove it, and has done masses of good work on the telly (Sharpes War, The Bill et al) and various movies (Irina Palme, Lara Croft Tomb Thingy etc.)- look at his damned IMDb page because he wants you to...and so on. Which should put to rest once and for all, those unkind rumours that Jonny was somehow responsible for the eventual collapse of the Greek economy, and potentially Europe's as well. Look it's just too easy to pin all the bad stuff that's going down on Jonny really he's only to blame for some of it. And his absolute excellence in Alcatraz* as the dastardly Warden James should, in some measure, make up for it. Here he is, one hell of a fine actor, one very available single man (ladies, no rush please), a man of considerable wit and dubious personal habits, good company and bad news...here he is, Cyprus' answer to Brad Pitt ... Give it up, if you please, for the immaculate, the hip, the hop, the rockin'... a big hand for groooveee ... Mr JONNY COYNE!

Here they are. A lifetime spent buying albums that I only played once has convinced me that I am just not Rock 'n' Roll. Thank god for the iPod and the current trend towards "guilty pleasures." It might just make me seem cool. Not eclectic, just confused.